B017 PAX 2019
PAX 2019 is the seventeenth bonus episode for Queens of Adventure, and was later released as a Special episode in the main podcast feed. It was recorded as part of the PAX West 2019 convention. In it, the queens race against the clock to complete a quest and resolve a hairy situation. Synopsis A troop of adventures heading to the annual Enchanted Wig Market have set up camp in a forest clearing and fall asleep. They awaken in a strange, yet familiar pink brick lined room filled with tables, shelves, and wardrobes. A Giant Baby appears floating before them. He greets them and asks them to perform their signature moves. Butylene O'Kipple says she likes to blow things up, and mimes hurling a bomb. Arson Nicki says hers is sipping ice coffee. Irene Dubois sticks her tongue out and twirls it around. Fraya Love does a mouth pop. The baby says they have been chosen to face his trials which will determine if they could become Legendary. The walls fold inward and vanish. The room is floating over a pine forest, surrounded by a purple storm a mile out in any direction. The baby tells them to jump. Irene, Butylene, and Arson leap off as Fraya panics. Their glamazon gliders snap open to allow them to glide down. Fraya does a trust fall. The first three land gracefully, Fraya tumbles. They find themselves in some stone ruins with a river flowing on one side. There are three treasure chests nearby, one in a stone archway, one up a tree, and one on a rock in the river. The baby's voice says their time starts now. Fraya runs towards the chest in the arch, stopping close but not touching it. Out of a trash can next to it, a furry faced creature emerges. The creature introduces itself as a Trashquatch and comments on how the chests might help them since they all have no items on them. Arson wonders how they will open the chests without items. The Trashquatch points them towards a small rabbit with a key ring in its mouth sitting on top of the first chest and warns them to be quick since the storm will close in on them. Irene picks up Butylene and throws her at the rabbit. As she gets close, Butylene tries to talk to the rabbit and charm it, but fails her animal handling check. The rabbit vanishes behind the chest and reappears across the ruins. Arson turns and rushes it, screaming a threat at the rabbit, with a nat 20. The terrified rabbit hands over three key rings. Arson takes the key rings and spider climbs the tree. As she climbs, the sap trickling down the tree causes her to stick fast. She makes the best of it by voguing casually. Her performance manages to get her unstuck. She reaches the top and opens it. Inside are alchemy supplies, a great ax, a club and a blow gun. She drops down the tree and distributes them. A horn blows and the trashquatch warns them the storm will be here soon. Arson asks who has the skills to get the other chests. Fraya points out she is standing next to one on the ground. Arson points out it might be booby trapped, and suggests Irene take it. Irene opens it with no trouble, and as the other queens look shocked, she tries to snatch Fraya's wig. Fraya gets a nat20 on the dexterity contest and splashes Irene with some river water. Loving the wet hair look it gives her, Irene opens the chest and finds a trident of fish command, a javelin of lightning, and an herbalist kit with a healing potion. She gives the trident to Fraya and the herbs to Butylene. There is a rumbling and the storm starts to move closer. Fraya heads towards the river to try and figure out how to use shape water to get herself to the third chest. As she thinks, Butylene whispers to Irene to throw Fraya. Still contemplating, Fraya doesn't notice Irene pick her up and throw her. She lands at the edge of the rock, mostly in the water and pulls herself up. She opens the chest, finding a pipe of smoke monsters, oil of slipperyness, a scroll of rope trick, and a scroll of polymorph. The trashquatch tells them its time to book it as the storm reaches the edge of the ruins on the east. Fraya creates an ice surfboard and rides back across, with a nat20 (before being asked to roll anything). Butylene begins to load her pipe. Irene tries to pull the Trashquatch from the can, wanting to try and save him from the storm (despite the negative paddles from the audience). The trashquatch giggles as the storm reaches Irene and does some damage. The trashquatch seems resistant and Irene explains she is trying to rescue him. He agrees to go with them. The group heads west and reaches a wide chasm cutting across the area, five hundred feet across. There are signs there was once a bridge, but it is gone. A small hut remains near the chasm. The storm slows to a halt behind them. Arson guides the group to the huts and knocks (shave and a haircut). From inside emerges a Sasquatch wearing mismatched shoes, a dress made of patchwork scraps, and gaudy plastic pearl necklaces who cartwheels out of the door. He greets his brother the Trashquatch, who rolls his eyes, then addresses the group. He says many adventurers have tried and failed to cross in the past, looking at remains down in the chasm. Arson says they will get across and demands he tell them how. The Sassquatch says all it takes is a little sass. Fraya instantly insults the Sassquatch before Butylene steps in and asks for clarification on Sass. The Sassquatch announces they will do a reading challenge, and that Fraya's was a good start. A sliver of bridge becomes visible. Irene steps up to the challenge, reading Fraya and Arson. The bridge appears for a moment. The horn blares again and the storm moves closer. Arson reads Butylene, who reads back. The group realizes the bridge is solid as Fraya has already crossed. As the others cross (with the Trashsquatch), the Sassquatch warns about them about the Skunk Ape before dancing into his hut. It vanishes in a puff of smoke. They move on and find a path meandering between stone outcroppings. There is a craggy cave opening. Bones, and pieces of torn up drag paraphernalia, litter the area. A foul odor comes from the cave and a shaggy figure gnawing on a bone emerges, muscular but in a corset and stockings. It charges them. Irene moves to attack first. She chucks her javelin at it. The lightning attack misses but the javelin itself hits. The creature uses a legendary action, bellowing and emitting a cloud of foul air. All but Butylene, who resists, take damage. Butylene claims to have a poison resistance bonus action, successfully lying to the universe (DM Matt). Somehow, Butylene shoots a blow dart, not on her turn, hurting the skunk ape. Arson turns and walks away, gesturing and casting Samantha's Curse ''before turning and firing two ''eldritch blasts. The second one does critical damage due to the curse. Dark eldritch energy melts out of it. Somehow, not dead, it moves to attack the three other queens. Fraya and Butylene dodge effortlessly, and Irene barely does. The skunk ape punches Fraya, barely hurting her, and then Irene, whom the spirit of queer community moves out of harm way. Fraya uses the scroll of polymorph to turn the monster into a tiny Cousin It. For a moment it doesn't look successful, but then the creatures limps shrivel up and turn into a giant animated wig. Fraya decides to walk past it, giving it no mind. The mound of hair tries to headbutt her, but misses. Butylene knocks it over as the horn blares and the storm moves in. They leave the former skunk ape, wriggling on the ground unable to move. The trashquatch apologizes to his brother. Irene tries to chop off some hair with her ax, but misses and it embeds in the rock. The others pull Irene through the rocky ravine. They move through brush and a forest as the storm chases them. They emerge to find a lit clearing with an elevated runway. Around the runway are an audience of Sasquatches, chatting to themselves. Included are the Sassy Sasquatch and somehow, Cousin It Squatch. There are yetis and other variations. The Trashquatch thanks them for the escort and takes a seat. Another group of drag queens emerge from another direction into the clearing. They are an elf in a black dress, a pirate wench half-orc, a tiefling with messy makeup, and a dwarf in a cow print costume. They snarl at the other queens. The Giant Baby welcome both groups, Booty and the Hofish, and House Effluvia. They are the only two teams to make it through all the challenges to the Runway of Trials. House Effluvia will go first. The other team, sneering, strut out onto the catwalk and begin posing and cast side eye. As the dwarf prepares to make a move, Fraya shapes water to turn the catwalk icy. At first the other team misses it, but suddenly they all go sliding off the runway. The baby shakes his head and turns to the party, and hopes they will do better. Fraya heads up and ice skates across, defrosting the ice with her performance. Arson struts, and uses sleight of hand to change outfits mid way. Butylene uses her knowledge of arcana to predict the Sasquatch's favorite songs and sings as she walks. As Irene joins them, the group drops into a Charlie's Angels pose at the end of the runway. The Giant Baby summarizes the group's skills, and says they are the most interesting candidates he has ever tried. He asks them what they think makes them Legendary. Butylene says her mustache, Arson her skills with crochet, Irene's lubricant collection, and Fraya calls lightning. The bolt strikes the catwalk, impressing the audience, and shocking House Effluvia's team who fall backwards into the storm. The Giant Baby asks the audience for the final approval. The crowd goes wild with shouts of Squatch. The cheers ripple the fabric of reality. The group flies through the multiverse and wake up, at dawn, at their campsite, wondering if it was all a dream (or a Butylene tea hallucination) until they see a trophy nearby. It is gold, shaped like Cousin It, and has a sign 'until next year, candidates'. Characters Party * Arson Nicki - drider warlock * Butylene O'Kipple - tiefling alchemist * Fraya Love - water genasi cleric * Irene Dubois - lizardfolk barbarian NPCs * Giant Baby * Sasquatches (including) ** Trashquatch ** Sassquatch ** Skunk Ape ** Various Other Audience Squatches including hippies and Yetis * House Effluvia ** Claire DeRunway ** Jenna Sais-Quoi ** Holly Mackerel ** Busty Stringcheese Episode Notes Lore * The Giant Baby's quest for potentially Legendary adventurers may be an annual event. Inspiration Earned * Butylene - Signature Move - Hurling a Bomb * Arson - Signature Move - Sipping Ice Coffee * Irene - Signature Move - tongue twirling * Fraya - Signature Move - mouth pop * Arson - Terrifying the Rabbit * Fraya - Her read of the Sassquatch * Irene - Her reads of Fraya and Arson * Arson - Her read of Butylene * Butylene - Her retort to Arson's read * Fraya - freezing the runway * Audience - for beginning to shout Squatch Memorable Quotes * "Since I am one of the gay, my signature move is sipping ice coffee." - Arson Nicki * "I'm the reason Old Macdonald goes E-I-E-I-O, Fraya Love." - Fraya Love * "You are going to give me this key ring right now or else I'm going to do something really bad that I haven't quite figured out yet! But it's going to be really fucking bad." - Arson Nicki * "This rabbit had better pay by taxes and clear my skin with that fucking roll!" - Arson Nicki * "With all that voguing you have unstuck yourself." - "I gotta say being gay is pretty great." - DM Matt and Arson Nicki * "Don't make me roll for that. I rolled a natural 20 when she tried to come for me." - Fraya Love * "I love professional basketball." - "You've already busted open that herbalism kit, I see!" - Butylene O'Kipple and Irene Dubois * "Are you ready to make shape water useful for once, Fraya?" - Arson Nicki * "You've been thrown." - Irene Dubois * "I know I didn't have to, but just in case you were going to ask me, I rolled a natural 20." - Fraya Love * "Are you saying anything to him?" - "I am absolutely silent but I'm making a lot of eye contact. And I think he's into it." - DM Matt and Irene Dubois * "I'm rescuing you." - "You know we've made these assumptions before and it didn't end well." - Irene Dubois and Fraya Love * "Girl, here I was trying to be nice and say that you had bo-ho chic going on for you but look at you with your teeny tiny shoes and mismatched patches." - "We're never getting across." - Fraya Love and Irene Dubois * "Fraya Love: You love shaping water, bitch. I'm going to give you some foam so you can learn to shape that body." - Irene Dubois * "Arson Nicki: You and that pact weapon seem awfully close. I wish you and some makeup would make a pact." - Irene Dubois * "Butylene, I know you do a lot of visual research, and I'm so impressed your makeup looks like it was inspired by a two-year olds crayon drawings." - Arson Nicki * "It's called art, Arson, look it up." - Butylene O'Kipple * "This location is like an elaborate metaphor for my sex life." - Arson Nicki * "Did we just red rover red rover?" - Fraya Love * "The power of queer community helped you to withstand..." - DM Matt * "The spirits are me stumbling cause I'm drunk." - Irene Dubois * "All we have to do is not fall." - "Good luck, Fraya!" - Fraya Love and Irene Dubois * "Ar-can you? You can!" - Arson Nicki * "I think the squatches have it." - Fraya Love References * Sesame Street * Catch These Hands * Mary-Kate Olson * Sylvester Stalone * Rocky Movies * Rocky Horror Picture Show * Cousin It - Addams Family * Showgirls & Crystal Connors * Silky Nutmeg Ganache's readiness to lipsynch in Drag Race Season 11 * Nancy Kerrigan and Tanya Harding * Charlie's Angels Name That Tune * "California Girls" - Beach Boys * "Age of Aquarius" - HAIR! * "Firework" - Katy Perry Behind the Queens * This episode is the quickest turn around time between live show recording and episode release at 10 days. * The panel was recorded at the PAX West 2019 convention in Seattle. The recurring element of Sasquatches was inspired by the fact that the panel was in the Sasquatch Theater at the convention. * House Effluvia's team are a reference to the most recent San Francisco cast show, Children of the Cornball. Their names come from a youtube live stream comment of DM Matt's during the Patreon Preview Weekend. * This episode was re-released in the main feed of the podcast a month after its release in the bonus feed, while the cast was in Chicago for live shows and a regular episode could not be edited in time for release. This makes this episode the first to be in both feeds. Category:Episodes Category:Bonus Episodes Category:Live Shows Category:Special Episodes Category:ConPanels